Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
