Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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