I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What drink are we having for lunch?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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