I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
