I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
