i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize