so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
