there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize