There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
