too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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