theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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