the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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