pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
