i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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