Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
