I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
