I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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