It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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