it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
