the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
