shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
