hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
