He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
