I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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