i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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