On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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