can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
