i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
