You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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