You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
