This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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