Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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