there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
