I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
