Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
