dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
