I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
