He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
