I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
