I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
