The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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