ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
