You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
