I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize