It's Friday. Sex?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just want nice things and good sex
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
