Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
