Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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