He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
