Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
home. puking in laundry basket.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
