You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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