My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
