Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
