I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
did i just pee glitter
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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