my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
