The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
