So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
