Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
