Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
