Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
