A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so let's talk penis.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize