So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
