How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
