i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
