i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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