How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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