my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
