now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
