Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize